Friday, July 2, 2010

Working on no sleep.. don't expect this to make sense:o)

Some will judge me. Some have judged me. It is evident in the absence of things.

I expected that. Accept that it is what it is. Not everyone is understanding. Not everyone can try and see through the eyes of another. I can. And I have.

When I was a little girl I had a poster in my room. It was of a little girl, standing in a field of flowers and grass. My parents insisted the little girl looked just like me. And in retrospect she did. At the bottom of the poster was this quote "Today is the first day of the rest of your life.".

I am almost forty-one years old and I finally really understand it. I'd love to find that poster. The exact same one I had and hang it somewhere prominent in my home.

Although.. at present it doesn't feel like a home. It's simply a house. A place for our things. A place for us to sleep and eat. I need to make it a home again. With or without the buffoon's help or input.

He's here. He refuses to go anywhere. I am certainly not leaving my home or taking my children out of their home. And I am NOT going anywhere without my children. But I don't have to pay attention to him. It will be hard. And the kids will "force" us to communicate on some level. As will the every day things that adults deal with. But he's gone nearly fifteen hours a day. Monday through Friday.

It won't be hard to pretend he doesn't exist. Ok.. well maybe that's pushing it a bit.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.


  1. Today I feel the need to respond to your post. First,no one has the right to judge anyone. My late mother always said, "you don't know what goes on behind closed doors." She was so right. There's also a saying, "those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." It's easy for people to look at other's lives and think they know it all. A wise person says nothing.
    Many years ago when I had a 7 y.o. and found out I was pregnant with my daughter, my ex decided he couldn't handle the responsibility (he had 3 kids from his first marriage) and left. A month later I was excessed from my job (gov't. workers get no unemployment) with very little child support. I wasn't really sure how I was going to handle raising 2 kids alone. When he wanted to come back many months later, I said no since I didn't feel I could count on him anymore.
    I know there were those who believed I should forgive him for what I considered a betrayal, but I stood my ground. It wasn't easy emotionally and financially, but deep down I knew I could do it. Eventually I went back to college and found a new career...easy no...but necessary for my well-being.
    Never give up Michelle, and to those who judge you, they can go to he**. This is something you and your husband will have to work out for yourselves and everyone should butt out.
    Hugs, Ann

  2. Even tho I have never met you in person, Michelle, there is one thing I feel the need to say to you. I agree 100% with Ann's post. No one has the right to ever judge you or anyone else! No one ever really knows what goes on behind closed doors and definitly Do Not have the right to judge. As Ann says....Never give up Michelle....
    I know it's hard, but it is important to keep some kind of sanity in your life. You sound like a strong woman and I am confident that no matter what happens you will come through this an even stronger person. Keep your head up!!
    Your on-line friend,