Ok...

Yeah, so... I started crying before I even typed the first letter of this blog.

Some of you will think that I'm being to generous and that he doesn't deserve this but I'm going to do it anyway.

Yes, right now, my husband is acting like an ass. Yes, he is knowingly hurting me and by his own admission he doesn't necessarily care all that much. (He cares just a little...)

Ok.. I need to push the bitterness away for a minute...

It wasn't always like this. It wasn't all bad. And if he's being honest with himself he'll agree. I doubt he would at this moment but he knows it down deep.

He is not a bad guy. He's making some bad choices in my ever so humble opinion. But he is not inherently bad.

Am I angry with him right now? Oh you better believe it. I'm fired up. I find his current behavior often cruel and malicious.

Beneath it all I still see glimpses of the man I married. It may be over now but at one time we were happy.

So yea, he's being an ass right now. But he's also a good Dad, a good provider and I've always been proud of his accomplishments. Maybe I didn't tell him that enough.

Anyway.... he really ISN'T a monster.. but I'm still hurt and angry.