Sunday, August 29, 2010

I really wish...

...people would mind their own damn business!!! I just received a lovely (sarcasm intended) e-mail from someone who seems to think that they know what's best for ME. Really??? Bite me bitch! I'd LIKE to use a different word here but I am a lady and I hate that word but it's the first one that came to mind when I read the e-mail.

Let's get something straight, in case anyone else feels the need to tell ME how to run MY life, I FOUGHT HARD TO TRY AND SAVE MY MARRIAGE THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! But I'll be damned if I was going to stand by and be treated like a piece of a dirt by the blithering idiot I married. HE did this. HE made this choice. HE created this situation and HE has been a world class asshole for months. Key word here folks?? HE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got it?? Good!

So please, unless I ask you for your advice, (pardon my language) STAY. THE FUCK. OUT OF MY BUSINESS!!!!!!! Because the next time you send me an e-mail like that I'll be at your front door and I'll show you just how much of a bitch I can be sweetheart!

Sunday, August 22, 2010


God I love this kid!!!!!! Shannon, Deb's daughter; age 8, is such a PIP!!!!!

We're sitting around discussing what we named our kids (we meaning me and Deb) and what the girls want to name their kids. That they're not having for another 30 years:) So I started rattling off my kids names. First and middle.

Shannon pipes up with "What's the buffalo's middle name???" I paused. The buffalo??? I looked at her and asked "who?". She says, "Ya' know what you call Skip.. the buffalo." Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! "You mean the buffoon???". "Yeah, that's it!", she says.

Hmmm.. maybe I'll start calling him "the buffalo" now... Kind of catchy??


I'd been dreading this weekend for months. The buffoon's nephew got married yesterday. I was not welcome at the wedding. As per the buffoon. (and more likely his family) He wouldn't have been able to have a good time with me there, was his excuse. snort... really? Like I give a rat's ass about that. However, the bottom line is, I have far too much class and far too much pride in myself to have gone. I know when I'm not wanted.

So I anticipated this weekend would be a very rough one for me. Guess what? It wasn't. Not even close. I don't think my mind wandered to the wedding more than a few times. And, again because I have class, it was simply to think to myself that I hoped Joseph and Elyssa's day was beautiful.

Other than that I spent this weekend with the people who REALLY matter in my life. People who I trust and love and who have been there beside me through all of this. And I had fun. Actually I had an amazing weekend. So the buffoon and his cronies can kiss my ass:)~

I also received an e-mail this weekend from my Aunt Liz. That in and of itself isn't unusual. We e-mail back and forth on a regular basis. She lives in California so e-mail is our main form of communication. She has known about everything that has been going on since practically day one. She said something this time that really blew me away BUT also was a light bulb moment for me. She said that she always felt like the buffoon talked down to me. After my initial shock, that she thought that at all, passed it hit me. She is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!!

He HAS always talked down to me and treated me as if I were a child. He has never supported me in anything, has never stood up for me and he has always viewed my opinions and ideas as stupid and unworthy of his time and attention. I was, in essence, an afterthought for him. A fixture in the house to be taken for granted. And I just took it. I'm an idiot!

Well my eyes are wide open now. My feelings and opinions have been validated by others. While I can't, and won't, say that I am blameless in all of this I was certainly more committed than he was to THE MARRIAGE and OUR FAMILY.

Now? I am committed to my kids and myself. It's time to make ME happy too. He (the buffoon) told me once when this all first started that part of the problem was that he needed to "find himself". Find himself?? What the hell is this? An episode of Dr. Phil.

I'll find him alright. I'll find his ass right out the door. As I recall HE has spent the last eighteen years building his career and making a name for himself in his field while I was chief diaper changer and bottle washer. Now?? Now that I actually may have had a shot at going back to school like WE planned all along?? NOW he up and decides he doesn't want to be married me anymore???? Nice. And he wonders why people think he's an ass?? Please. (insert eye roll)

What WAS I think all those years ago? Can I blame it on youth and naivety??

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Had to share...

I have tons of web sites saved to my favorite places. I MIGHT visit four web sites regularly. Meaning once a day. Others I visit once and MIGHT find again a second time.

I'm a quote freak. I love them. Funny, inspirational, sarcastic. Love them! So I have an entire folder devoted to web sites featuring famous and original quotes. As I'm scanning down the list of sites and my eyes catches the words "quote garden" and "sex" and I think.. "Ooooo!" (I know.. how juvenile.)

I click on the link and find myself on a page listing tons of quotes. (Thought I was going somewhere else there for a minute didn't ya'?) And this one caught my eye. I've read it before but I still reacted as if I was just seeing it for the first time. Laughed my ass off. Almost choked on a mouthful of iced tea.

"Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?". It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve." ~Andy Rooney


Monday, August 16, 2010


I was at my children’s disposal all morning. Doing laundry, cleaning, etc.. but I was there for them to bug if need be. No one really had much to say to me. Sydney had her friend MiMi here, the boys were busy playing video games or running around in the back yard.

I make sure all children are INDOORS and hit the shower. I’m under the spray less than a minute and I hear the unmistakable sound of little feet running down the hallway towards the bathroom door. I hear a muffled, “Moooooooom!!!!!” I holler “WHAT???”. I have to or whatever child is out there will never hear me. And he or she will never leave. “Can I make some ramen????”, hollers said child (Sydney). “Yes!!”

I hear the pitter patter of little feet going the other way and continue to try and enjoy my shower. Not a minute later I again hear little feet. I sigh audibly and hear “MOOOOOOM!!!!” (Riley) “WHAT????”. I try not to sound angry but I’m getting a little annoyed. “Sydney won’t make me some ramen too!!!”, said in a whine. “Jesus.”, I mutter to myself. “Tell your sister that I SAID she can make you some too.”

Alone again I begin to wash my hair. And guess what I hear??? Yep. Little feet. “MOOOOOOM!!!!!” (Sydney) Now I AM annoyed. “WHAT Sydney????”. “Do I haaaaaaave to make Riiiley ramen???”, more whining!!! So I diplomatically holler, “YES!! You have to make Riley ramen and if you don’t leave me to shower IN PEACE you can make his AND Logan’s lunch for the rest of the week!!!!!”

I hear some muttering from her, I’m sure cursing me, but she walks (stomps!) away. MY GOD!!! They aren’t toddlers for heaven sakes!! I should be able to take a shower uninterrupted at least once a day!


Has it really been a week since I blogged?

I started this blog as a scrapbooking blog. My main focus was going to be the things I was working on, techniques I was trying and layouts I was planning. I knew there would be other "stuff". Every day Mom stuff, kid stuff. But I never expected it would take the turn it did.

At the risk of sounding corny I can't help but think of a quote from one of my all time favorite movies. "Life is like a box of chocolates...", need I say more? So I was thrown a curve ball. It happens. I'm coping. Better than I was just a few short months ago. A lot better:)

Someone said something to me once that struck a cord with me. They said that part of their success was a result of surrounding themselves with positive people. And I thought about some of the people I'd allowed into my life in the past. Don't anyone have a cow I am not referring to anyone who might be reading this. At least I don't think I am. Ya' never know. I'm fairly certain though.

I have allowed some truly negative people into my life. I allowed their negativity to drag me down. I allowed them to suck the life out of me in some cases. No wonder I felt like crap all the time. It was like a V8 moment. I literally slapped myself in the head (not too hard cause I had a headache). My problem is I want to "fix" people and things. And I actually fancy myself quite good at it. I'm probably being a bit too generous thinking that.

I was always the "yes" girl. "Yes I'll babysit for you.", "Yes I'll watch your 4 kids for a week". And during that week it rained FOUR out of the five days. I had EIGHT kids to entertain. Oy. Ok we DID have fun in the end. But really? Rain? FOUR out of five days??? What had I done to offend the Gods??

I'm still more than happy to help a friend in need but I reserve it for the friends I think are REALLY my friends. Anywho... I went off on a tangent didn't I. I just consumed a Three Musketeer bar and I think the chocolate and sugar have given me a buzz. :)

What was the point I was trying to make? Oh... I'm feeling better. I'm not so afraid, I don't cry much at all anymore and I have a confidence in myself I haven't had in a long time. I know I have a long road ahead of me and it won't be easy. But I'll get through it. :)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Lazy Mom Moment...

Shortly after I arrived home late this morning from Deb's I threw in a load of laundry. I just went downstairs to switch it to the dryer. (Yes I know it was probably done a good hour ago.. hush!) When I opened the dryer I saw that someone (ok probably me) had left a small.... ish load inside of it. I was so not in the mood to fold clothes. I stared into the dryer for about thirty seconds and said "the hell with it" and threw the wet clothes in on top of the others.

My theory was the other clothes would dry faster because the dry clothes would help absorb some of the moisture. Makes sense? Right? No? Ok.. maybe not but it's my story and I'm stickin' to it. :)

Oh and one more thing... will someone explain to me why, in the midst of what has been a somewhat hellishly hot and humid summer, I found a SNOW SUIT in one of the hampers???? WTH????

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Inner Most Thoughts of Riley...

The other night I was sitting in my room, curled up on my rocker, reading a book. It was pretty late but I knew some of the kids were still up watching TV in the living room. I heard the distinct wailing of my seven year old and what sounded like a small herd of elephants coming up the stairs. Brendan (12) and Logan (the 7 yr old) appeared in front of me.

Brendan is all diplomatic and proceeded to explain that Riley(9) hit Logan. Evidence of this is visible on Logan's back in the form of an approximately two inch long welt. I comfort Logan and ask Brendan to please have Riley come upstairs.

Logan's tears dry swiftly. Probably in anticipation of what he assumes will be Riley getting in trouble. Brendan comes back up the steps with Riley, looking like he's none too happy, in tow. I send Brendan and Logan away and face Riley.

Now, ya' have to know Riley and know that this kid can go from happy and carefree to ticked off in 1.6 seconds. He stands in front of me with this look on his face that clearly says, 'Mom. I am NOT in the mood.". I talked to him quietly for a few minutes. At first he adamantly denied laying a hand on Logan. With a little more cajoling I got him to fess up. I asked him why he hit Logan. With a totally straight face he looked up at me and said,

"He was pretendin' I couldn't hurt him. So I gave him something to pretend about."

I have no idea how I kept a straight face. The urge to burst into uncontrollable laughter was nearly overwhelming. Only Riley could come up with an excuse like that and say it without blinkin' an eye. The little bugger knew I was trying not to laugh too. I could see the twinkle in his eye and the smile he was desperately trying to hide.

The little twit. Look out world.. here he comes.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Toddlers and Tiaras...

So…. I have a confession…

I watch Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC.. I don’t condone pageants that have very little girls made up and dressed up to look like little adults. (I know that statement will piss someone off somewhere but touche.) I watch the show for the same reason we all slow down to gawk at the scene of an accident. It’s too horrifying to look away.

So I’m watching an episode right now. As usual I’m blown away by the behavior of some of the MOTHERS. I mean some of the kids are bad enough but their mothers??? Dear God.. I’d have to bitch slap a few of them just on principle.

One Mom is going on and on about how all of her daughter’s dresses and costumes are handmade as the camera pans her FIVE year old daughter’s pageant closet. A quick glance and it’s easy to see there are AT LEAST twenty different dresses and assorted costumes. And Mom says, “Every one of her dresses cost anywhere between five and ten thousand.”, in the most nonchalant tone of voice. I about choked. Dollars??? I rewound it (gotta love DVRs) and listened a second time just to make sure I’d heard correctly. I had.

Who the *^$! spends THAT kind of money on a dress or costume a child MIGHT wear three times MAX??????? Who the hell spends that kind of money on ANYTHING a CHILD is going to wear? Once or one hundred times?

As if that wasn’t the height of stupidity another Mom is prattling on about how she teaches her daughter that it’s what on the inside that counts not how a person looks on the outside. Oh really? Note, right behind her said daughter, age 4, is getting a facial, acrylic nails and there’s a spray tan on the schedule. I’m sorry. On what planet is that normal????

I know every pageant Mom (and/or Dad) has some reason or reasons that they think are perfectly plausible reasons to dress their three year old up to look like she's twenty-five and have then prance about some stage shakin' their booties for a crowd.

I think they're all full of it. Just my ever so humble opinion. :)

Moving forward...

Telling my parents about my marital demise was a hurdle I was close to terrified of jumping over. Ya' know what? It turned out to be not so bad. Once again, my overactive imagination was spinning tales of crying, yelling and blame being tossed around. The reality wasn't even close.

Accepting that my marriage really IS over was the first hurdle. Telling my parents was the second. I'm not going to tell you I'm done crying. I'm not going to tell you that buried deep down inside of me there isn't a tiny, little piece of me that hangs onto a tiny, little bit of hope. I'm not going to tell you this doesn't still hurt. It doesn't hurt all the time. It doesn't hurt every second of every day like it did for so long.

I can be in the same room with him, briefly, and not feel like screaming at him and clawing his eyes out. I can think about him and us and the memories I'll always have and not cry. I know in a week, a month, it will be a little better. A little easier.

I'm still a little scared. Sometimes a LOT scared. :) But I have good friends who encourage me, motivate me and comfort me when I need it. And even when I think I don't.

I know a year from now I'll look back and think "It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.". I know I'm going to face challenges but I'm willing to face them head on and work through them. There will always be someone to turn to when I need a little push or a hug. And someone to celebrate, even the little milestones, with.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Reality is never as bad as we imagine...

Well they know. "They" being my parents. And ya' know what? They took it well. At least my Mom did. I spoke to her not my Dad. I suspect he chose not to speak to me not because he doesn't want too but because he knows if he even hints at tears I'll lose it too. It's always been like that. If my Daddy cries, I cry.

I feel IMMENSELY better now. Like there isn't this huge weight on my shoulders. I don't have to hide anything anymore. Cripes if this is all I needed to do to shed some of the misery I should have done it months ago.

Live and learn.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Life goes on...

Imagine that.

I'm not going to sit here and say I'm feeling wonderful and ready to face the future head on with confidence and bold optimism. That'd be a bold faced lie. I'm feeling... better. I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. I'm not a complete blithering idiot. I've survived tough times before and I can do it again.

I sort of let the cat out of the bag with my parents today. My Mom called to tell me about something and then asked about stopping by and leaving my brother here for the night. I panicked. So I blurted out that it was a bad time. She immediately got suspicious. Mom radar. I ended our call quickly but then started to stew about it.

I knew THEY'D stew and worry. Because ya' know she turned to my Dad right then and there and told him what I said. So, being the coward, chicken shit that I am, I quickly tapped out an e-mail. Kept it simple and to the point. Didn't lay blame all at the Buffoon's feet. When I clicked send I got the spinning circle and then a message that "they" were unable to send mail and to please try again later. UGH! Just when I had worked up the nerve.

I mentioned the above to a friend. They suggested that it might not be the best (or most adult) way of telling them. It required a discussion. After snorting a few times and pouting a teensy bit, lol, I realized they're right. One problem.. it turns out the e-mail DID send after all. So I'm waiting with baited, nervous breath for the call and/or e-mail I'm bound to get from one or both of my parents.

I suspect they may have heard a whispering or two from someone already. So this may not come as a complete shock to them I mean, I DO lay it all out there for the world to see here on my blog. I probably SHOULD have told them before I started telling the masses huh?

I really hate it when I realize I probably didn't handle something the best way possible. Eh.. I'm human.


It's happening. She's turning into a snot nosed little tween. I'm referring to my darling diva of a daughter. She's taken to plastering her room with posters (of boys) and spends an inordinate amount of time dancing around her room with her iPod cranked. She gets indignant if her father or I DARE to enter her room without knocking.

Upon seeing her bedroom walls (recently painted if you remember) her Dad said "Did she do this?" I said, "Yup.". He said, "By herself? No help from you?". Me, "By herself. No help from me." Him, "Oh boy...". As angry as I am at him right now I have to feel a little sorry for him as he faces the reality that his little girl is growing up. He's dreaded this since the day she was born. I should probably tell him that no matter what she'll always be his baby girl. But I'm not feeling that sorry for him.

I'm sort of excited about her growing up and at the same time I'm nostalgic. I miss the tiny little girl with the Charlie Brown cheeks who used to snuggle with me every chance she got:*(

ALL of my babies are growing up:(

Sunday, August 1, 2010

My daughter...

Is now the proud owner of "hot" (her word) pink ear buds for her iPod. Said ear buds set me back $29.99 plus tax.

I would NEVER have purchased a thirty dollar set of ear buds for a ten year old on my own accord. I was busy scouring the cell phone chargers for a car charger that will fit my cell phone. NO ONE seems to have one. Needless to say I was distracted when Sydney asked if she could get a new set of ear buds. I said fine but not expensive ones. She piped up a few minutes later that she'd found a pair that were "only $9.99" said in a tone that clearly said she coveted them. I said fine and gave up the hunt for a charger.

As we're walking up to the check out my darling daughter spots some old fashioned swirly lollipops and of course HAS to have one. So in the spirit of my birthday I said she could get one AND some for her brothers. We check out, I'm again not paying attention because she's prattling on about this and that. I vaguely hear the cashier tell me the total. I swipe my card, plug in my pin and we're on our way.

It's not until we get to the van that it hits me... "Wait a second... thirty-something??? How the....????" As soon as we're in the van I whip out the receipt and immediately discover the ear buds were NOT $9.99. They were TWENTY-nine ninety-nine. I looked over at that child and told her if she lost those ear buds she'd be toast.

She still insists that she was right and the computer was wrong. Whatever. Kids.


Just when I thought I might get through the day without bawling.. but this time, for once, they weren't sad tears.

Brendan, Riley and Logan made me another card for my birthday. They just brought it up to me. It says (and I'm typing this exactly as they wrote it):

Mom we all love you so much. You are nice, smart, funny and beatiful. We wish we could stay with you forever. We are so happy your our Mom. And we will always love you. Love your kids, Riley, Logan and Brendan

I'm a puddle:*)


The new Jodi Picoult book is out ladies.. House Rules. It’s on my MUST buy list for B&N later today. :)

I’m also looking for some recommendations. Someone non-fiction and non-Christian please, no offense. I’m just not in the right frame of mind for Christian anything right now. Why do I always feel the need to explain myself?? :) Anywho... Non-fiction, non-Christian and written within the last ten years. Anyone???

It's nearly 4 AM...

I am officially forty-one years old. Yikes. When did that happen?

I refuse to allow myself to wallow in self pity on today of all days. I don't fancy myself someone special or unique but I figure, at the very least, I deserve to treat myself nicely on my birthday.

So.. in the morning the diva and I are going to take a detour on our way home and do a little birthday shopping therapy. Some school things for her and a book or two for me or maybe some new clothes or heck, both! Then we'll head home. Where I'm sure I'll find the house in a state of moderate to catastrophic chaos and he will be nowhere in sight. However I'm not going to get myself in a tizzy over it. I'm not cleaning it up either. Not on my birthday. :)

Instead I am going to plant my rear end out by the pool with a book and something frosty and alcoholic. I'm not a drinker but someone told it'd be ok for me to indulge in one alcoholic beverage on my birthday. :) So... one it is. More than that and I risk getting stupid drunk. I'm a lightweight. :)

Happy Birthday to me:)