I'd been dreading this weekend for months. The buffoon's nephew got married yesterday. I was not welcome at the wedding. As per the buffoon. (and more likely his family) He wouldn't have been able to have a good time with me there, was his excuse. snort... really? Like I give a rat's ass about that. However, the bottom line is, I have far too much class and far too much pride in myself to have gone. I know when I'm not wanted.
So I anticipated this weekend would be a very rough one for me. Guess what? It wasn't. Not even close. I don't think my mind wandered to the wedding more than a few times. And, again because I have class, it was simply to think to myself that I hoped Joseph and Elyssa's day was beautiful.
Other than that I spent this weekend with the people who REALLY matter in my life. People who I trust and love and who have been there beside me through all of this. And I had fun. Actually I had an amazing weekend. So the buffoon and his cronies can kiss my ass:)~
I also received an e-mail this weekend from my Aunt Liz. That in and of itself isn't unusual. We e-mail back and forth on a regular basis. She lives in California so e-mail is our main form of communication. She has known about everything that has been going on since practically day one. She said something this time that really blew me away BUT also was a light bulb moment for me. She said that she always felt like the buffoon talked down to me. After my initial shock, that she thought that at all, passed it hit me. She is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!!
He HAS always talked down to me and treated me as if I were a child. He has never supported me in anything, has never stood up for me and he has always viewed my opinions and ideas as stupid and unworthy of his time and attention. I was, in essence, an afterthought for him. A fixture in the house to be taken for granted. And I just took it. I'm an idiot!
Well my eyes are wide open now. My feelings and opinions have been validated by others. While I can't, and won't, say that I am blameless in all of this I was certainly more committed than he was to THE MARRIAGE and OUR FAMILY.
Now? I am committed to my kids and myself. It's time to make ME happy too. He (the buffoon) told me once when this all first started that part of the problem was that he needed to "find himself". Find himself?? What the hell is this? An episode of Dr. Phil.
I'll find him alright. I'll find his ass right out the door. As I recall HE has spent the last eighteen years building his career and making a name for himself in his field while I was chief diaper changer and bottle washer. Now?? Now that I actually may have had a shot at going back to school like WE planned all along?? NOW he up and decides he doesn't want to be married me anymore???? Nice. And he wonders why people think he's an ass?? Please. (insert eye roll)
What WAS I think all those years ago? Can I blame it on youth and naivety??