Wednesday, June 30, 2010

No improvement...

If anything it's gotten worse. I'm still seesawing back and forth between wanting to save my marriage and wanting this just to be all over. I am so tired. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of worrying about where he really is when he claims he's working late. In short.. I'm sick and tired of this entire situation.

I want to hate him. And some days I feel like I do. But most days I ache for him. I hate that he has this much power over me. I wish I could be one of those people who just lets things roll off their back. But I'm not. I've always been ultra sensitive. And it hasn't always served me well. As a kid it meant that I was an easy target for teasing. Because the other kids knew they could get to me.

As an adult it means I take everything personally. I've gotten a little better over the years. But I still wear my heart on my sleeve and I still get my feelings hurt easily.

I just want the hurt to go away.

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