First of all I want to thank everyone for the personal messages and well wishes. They were very much appreciated. I tried to answer each one individually but I may have missed a few here and there. So if I missed you I apologize. It wasn't intentional..
I have put my foot down and insisted we go to a marriage counselor. I've already called one and am waiting on a call back. I want to be able to say that yes I DID try everything in my power to save my marriage. I refuse to accept that I have to walk away from nearly eighteen years (together) without a fight.
He's agreed, grudgingly, to the counseling. I don't know that it'll do any good. To be honest, I'm inclined to believe that it won't. At least not to the marriage. But maybe it will do ME some good. And if it ends up being beneficial to him as well, all the better. But I'm not really worried about him right now. I need to think about me for a little while.
My heart is still breaking. I'm struggling minute by minute to keep the breakdowns at bay. But I'm not denying myself a good old fashioned cry now and then. Some consider tears weak. I don't.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love."