Monday, May 10, 2010

A development...

I've had a few "reality checks" in the last week or so. Everyone has problems. Everyone thinks their problems are more difficult then the next guy's. We're all wrong. MOST problems are only as difficult as they are perceived to be. Then there are true tragedies. The death of a child, a terminal illness in a loved one. These are real tragedies. And my problems pale in comparison.

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if my marriage is savable. I hope and pray with all my heart that it is. Because when it comes right down to it I love my husband. I love my family. I want to be able to say in seven years, "I've been married twenty-five years.". I am not going to just lay down and give up without a fight.

So I'm fighting. Starting with counseling and a few "stipulations". He agreed to all but one small stipulation. I'm trying hard not to make too big of a deal out of that one. It bothers me. More than I care to admit. But I'm not so unreasonable that I can't compromise. I do however reserve the right to revisit the matter later.

I know there are things in myself I need to change. I've never been one to claim I was perfect (close to it but.. I'm KIDDING!!!! Sheesh!). I have my faults and God knows there's plenty of them. And I'm more than willing to work on them. I don't know if counseling will help our marriage. But I hope it will help me.

I'm going to try not to force so many issues. I'm going to try and be laid back and just see where this all goes.. (STOP laughing Skip!) It's going to take effort. But I'm going to try. And the rest?? I'm kissing up to God.

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