It's marriage. It's up, it's down. We're in a holding pattern right now. We're not about to kill one another but we're not exactly thrilled with the others attitude and behavior. We'll get over it. Eventually. If the past is any indication of the future. It's proven to be so in the past. And, for now, I'm holding onto the hope it will be again.
I have to learn to sit back and take it one day at a time. That's not an easy feat for me. I don't like the unknown. It makes me edgy. I like knowing there's going to be a soft place to land within my home and my husband's arms. The thought of life without that is very scary to me.
I don't want to push him into choices and decisions. So I'm trying, at times faltering, to let him be with his thoughts and feelings. I can't make him do anything. I have no control over his actions. I do, however, have control over mine.
So I'm focusing on me and my needs and wants. As well as working on changing those things that need changing for the good of my whole family. I'm figuring out that if we don't take care of ourselves we're no good to anyone else.
Says the woman who is wide awake at 1:38 AM with no intentions of going to sleep tonite... baby steps... slow, sure baby steps.
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