“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure, I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ~Marilyn Monroe
THIS is one of my all time favorite quotes. It’s me in a nutshell.
I freely admit I am not without fault. I own up to my faults and I really do try, on a daily basis, to control and overcome those faults. I’m not always successful. I know that the dissolution of my marriage is as much my fault as it is his. He doesn’t admit this but that really doesn’t matter in the end. I can’t control what he does and thinks. No more than he can control my thoughts and actions.
Oddly, the events of the last few days, and today most of all, have left me with a calm I haven’t had in a very long time. Don’t get me wrong. I know the next several months, or more, will be rough in ways I can’t even fathom right now. But I feel up to the challenge and ready to face them.
I’ve found some inner peace I didn’t think I had. The old me would be a puddle right now. Terrified of the future. I’d be in my room crying and railing against God. The new me is busy brainstorming and planning her future. There’s a confidence in me that I’d buried for so long I wasn’t sure I could bring it back. But I have. And it will continue to grow each day. And each night I pray to God. For personal strength and peace, and my loved ones.
I’m not an idiot. I’m not perfect but I am not some weak chick who can’t do anything without a man. This is the way he sees me. He being the stbx (soon to be ex). That’s his opinion and he’s entitled too it. I’M entitled to make him eat his words. :)