Friday, October 22, 2010


This whole insomnia thing is getting really old. Despite a pitch black room, two Excedrin PM and some soft music set veeeeery low I STILL couldn't fall asleep!! I laid there, with my eyes closed and my brain just went into overdrive. Divorce, finding a job, wondering if I'm being a complete fool, worrying about the kids, school, the holidays, blah, blah, blah.

Within a half an hour I had a headache, my heart was racing, I had a serious case of the shakes and was sobbing my heart out. HOW does one get a headache a half an hour AFTER taking Excedrin PM??? HOW does one NOT fall asleep with a sleep aid in their system??? And for God sakes I'm SICK of crying! I'm getting on my own nerves!!

So I climbed out of bed and abandoned the idea of sleeping all together. No point in wasting time laying there when I could be productive. Since I was obviously not going off to dreamland.

I need a vacation. Or a long weekend somewhere peaceful and quiet. I also need to figure out HOW to stop feeling the way I do or I'm going to end up having a nervous breakdown. Something I can't help but think my stbx (soon to be ex) would take pleasure in. He'll deny it but I don't believe him. Of course, I don't believe very many people these days. The Good Lord himself could come down and tell me something was true and I still wouldn't be able to really believe it.

I don't like what I'm becoming. Bitter, angry, hurting, sad, always crying. Don't get me wrong I DO find some enjoyment in life. My kids can still make me laugh. I enjoy spending time with my closest friends. I can escape into a book, though not as easily as I could before all of this bullshit started. As a general rule I can start and finish a book in under twelve hours. I've been known to read 7-10 books in a week's time. I've only managed to read, maybe, four books in the last two months.

Ok.. whine over.. I know, I know... I'm getting on everyone's nerves. No offense.. but ask me if I give a rat's patootie. :)

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