Saturday, April 3, 2010

Just a little heads up...

It's been a long time since I've blogged regularly. So you'll have to bear with me.. I'm rusty.

I think I'm numb right now. I don't feel much of anything. I don't even know how to process it all. So I can't write a lot about it.

Eventually the damn will break and it will come in a rush of blog after blog that even my best of friends will tire of. I'm just sayin'.. it's a friendly warning that eventually I'm going to get on your nerves.

I get on my own nerves sometimes. So I can relate.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Changes...

The tone of my blog is about to change. For once I'm not holding anything back. It will all be real with no sugar coating.

I feel like I'm at the beginning of journey. I have no idea where I'm going nor where I will end up. I expect bumps and bruises along the way. I do know, one way or another I will reach the end in one piece, strong and exactly where I need to be.

My marriage is falling apart at it's seams with mere threads are holding it together at this point. The threads of obligation and necessity. Standing alone neither of them are very conducive to a happy marriage. My husband and I barely look at one another, let alone talk. I'm a talker. He isn't. Since communication is vital to any relationship this disparity between us is crippling any attempt to fix things. So I've decided to take a step back. We need some metaphorical space between us. I love him. I'm in love with him most days. But he's in a place where he's unhappy and unsure if he wants to be married to me anymore. There.. I said it. Out loud. For other people to see. I've been keeping it to myself because saying it makes it real.

I've been bottling everything up for months and I can't take it anymore. It's eating me up inside. I need to let it out. Even if only my closest friends read this I will be sharing this burden with other people. I can't shoulder it alone anymore.

I'm not an open person with very many people. I have a very small, close knit group of friends. I call them my inner circle. So at times this blog may come across as it's not intended too. I apologize in advance for this. But I expect this to be a hard journey possibly with an outcome I don't think I want...

Friday, January 8, 2010

The Midnight Moms Club

Hey peeps!! I have created a new Moms group. The Midnight Moms Club.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/The_Midnight_Moms_Club/

It's a place for all us "nightowls" to gather to chat about our lives, our kids, our dreams, our hobbies or whatever strikes your fancy. So if you're a perpetual night owl like me please join us.

You can use the link above or the "subscribe" link to the right of this blog.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it SNOW!

Yes I'm one of those people.  I LOVE the white stuff!  I get as anxious as my kids do waiting around the TV on a snowy morning hoping and praying that we'll see the words "Wilson School District CLOSED" across the bottom of the screen.  Or at the very least "Wilson School District 2 Hour Delay".  Which is the case this morning.  Though I didn't get this little tidbit of information from the TV this time.  Automated phone call.  Regardless, I now have a couple of more hours of peace and quiet before I have to wake up the little monsters. 

Of course, now watch, at least two of them will come bounding down the stairs at 6 o'clock.  Despite the fact that any other morning I have to drag them out of bed kicking and screaming.  Murphy's Law.

For now I'm kickin' back with my WaWa Cappucino enjoying the silence and hoping against hope that there's an ever so slight chance they'll close the schools all together so I don't have to go out in the bitter cold at all.  There's little chance of that happening since the snow is light and supposed to taper off in the next hour or two.  But one can dream. 

I know I've neglected this blog over the past several weeks and I didn't even bother wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year here.  I hope everyone had an AMAZING holiday season and that you all have health, wealth and good fortune through the year. 

Our Christmas was fabulous and Santa spoiled all of us.  We had a nice Christmas Day with family and friends and a quiet New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.  All was not perfect though.  The Wednesday after Christmas our lab/shepherd mix ran away and hasn't been seen since:o(  We searched on foot and by car for hours upon hours over four days.  We called the police, the Humane Society  (several times) and put ads on Craigslist and through our local Freecycle group.  But no one has seen hide nor hair of him.  I'm heartbroken and worried.  This dog has a seizure disorder and needs a twice daily dose of Phenobarbital to keep the seizures under control.  I hope someone took him in and will at least treat him well.  Although they're in for a rude awakening when he has a seizure.  And he WILL.  When it happens I hope someone has the decency to take him to a vet or turn him in to the Humane Society. 

The New Year has been uneventful for us thus far.  I've set some goals for myself and have been diligently (sort of) working on them.  I'm determined to get my home and my life more organized.  I want to start a regular exercise routine, lose 30 lbs and continue to work on making hair bows and tutus to sell at local craft shows this year.  I'm also going to start making bottlecap jewelry and eventually key fobs to sell as well.  I'm taking it slow, learning as much as I can and putting together a workable "business plan".  I don't expect to get rich doing this but I'd at least like to make a little extra money to feed my crafting addictions.  :o)

Wow...  I'm awful chatty at this unGodly hour!  I'll end it here though and leave you with my Quote of the Day... 

"Within the core of each of us is the child we once were. This child constitutes the foundation of what we have become, who we are and what we will be."  ~Neuroscientist, Dr. R Joseph

Have a wonderful day everyone!!

Friday, November 27, 2009

Tis the season.....

Thanksgiving has come and gone and I, for one, had a wonderful holiday with family, good friends and good food.

And now...

The countdown to Christmas begins!

Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows that Christmas is MY holiday! I love everything about it. The sights, the sounds, the smells and the warm, fuzzy feelings that come along with all of that.

I'm much like a child when it comes to Christmas. I can't wait to put up our decorations, go hunting for the perfect tree (as long as I have breath in my body there will NEVER be an artificial tree in my home) and start baking all my favorite holiday cookies. I love the shopping and bargain hunting. I love wrapping the presents and look forward with great anticipation to the sight of my children's faces on Christmas morning when they see the tree all decorated and lit up surrounded by oodles and oodles of presents.

Christmas is the one day during the year where I REALLY spoil my kids rotten. And to hell with anyone who tries to tell me I'm making Christmas materialistic. I'm making it MAGICAL!! If there were not a single present under the tree for me I wouldn't care one iota. MY present is the joy and excitement I see on my kids faces. That alone is enough for me!

Have I mentioned that I CAN'T WAIT TIL' CHRISTMAS!!!!!! Let the festivities begin!!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

If you're a parent.. (and even if you aren't)

...you simply MUST read Notes Left Behind by Brooke and Keith Desserich. Even if you're not the kind of person who likes to read.

So often we're all in a hurry. Have to clean the house, have to pay the bills, have to get to work early and stay late, have to run the errands. We get so caught up in the things we feel we have to do that we forget to do the things that matter the most in the end. We tell ourselves we'll play a game with the kids tomorrow. We'll kick back with our spouses over the weekend. We'll visit relatives soon. Only tomorrow, the weekend and soon come and we find some new chore or errand that needs to be done. Weeks and months pass and we've done none, or very few, of the things we should be doing every single day or at least with regular frequency.

Notes Left Behind chronicles the journey and struggle of six year old Elena Desserich, the daughter of Brooke and Keith, as she fights for her life against a rare form of brain cancer. DIPG (Diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma). "Less than 10% of children diagnosed with DIPG will live longer than eighteen months from diagnosis. Survival is even more rare." (http://www.thecurestartsnow.org/page.php?id=2)

Elena was just five years old when she received this devastating diagnosis. She turned six shortly thereafter. She was given 135 days to live. She made it 256 days.

The book is written in the form of a journal as it was originally intended to be a personal memoir for Elena's little sister Gracie. As I read the book I found myself smiling as often as I found myself crying. Elena's story is heartwrenching and yet heartwarming at the same. This beautiful six year old little girl, who suffered horribly for nine months, still managed to find happiness and joy in life.

Elena's story is a reminder that we all need to slow down and spend quality time with the people that matter the most. Particularly our children. Life IS too short and everything can change in an instant. Take pleasure in the small things. In the end it doesn't matter how much money we had or how much stuff we managed to acquire in our lifetime. What matters is that we cherished every moment with those we love.

One of the most poignant (and gut wrenching) moments in the book comes when Keith describes how he and Brooke laid in bed with their daughter as she left this world.

"Brooke and I lay by her side in bed until early this morning, when she finally relented and left us......

.....I carried Elena in my arms to the awaiting ambulance. She is still my daughter and I know she would appreciate being carried in my arms rather than being placed on a stretcher." 1


It was at this point in the book that I completely lost it. I can't even begin to imagine the grief and pain this family has experienced. No parent should have to watch their child die. No parent should have to carry their lifeless child to an awaiting ambulance to be driven away and gone forever.

Hug your children tighter. Spend every moment possible with them. Quality moments. Read to them, play a game with them, talk to them, listen to them. While most of us will never endure what the Desserich's have had to endure someday our children will grow up and go out on their own. And those moments will be gone forever.

1 Brooke and Keith Desserich, Notes Left Behind (HarperCollins Publishers, 2009) pp. 238-239 (http://www.four51.com/UI/Customer.aspx?p=catalog&catid=0kaDsRcTd55fmH0t48Feb8KjYsYtIyEUKCAGTiDpilf-sGKGS36U1wQ-e-e&autologonid=d1809b2e-f892-406d-bc97-231012daf900&CEI=2dad191a-5565-4246-80a4-5adbd1d2a0fe)

Monday, November 2, 2009

Bulldogs rock the house!!!!!

On Saturday morning my daughter's cheerleading squad, the Van Reed Bulldogs JV Mites, participated in a competition at our local high school. The girls worked their little butts off in the weeks leading up to the competition. They worked their routine to perfection. And it paid off because...

THEY TOOK 1st PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


They did AWESOME!!!!!! And we are all so proud of all of them!!!