Sunday, May 1, 2011

And so it comes to an end....

It’s been quite some time since I’ve felt compelled to blog. The past several months have been ripe with change and adjustment. As I sit facing the conclusion of a long standing issue in my life I find that I’m feeling a very mixed bag of emotions. I’m relieved, a little sad, slightly apprehensive, a tiny bit angry and even somewhat excited. While new beginnings can be daunting they’re also a chance to start with a fresh slate. And this is what I’m trying to focus on. I don’t expect it to be easy but I do know that I am capable and WILL come out in the end a stronger, better person. I’m already on my way there.

The start of my first term at Berks Technical Institute has been a Godsend. I find my motivation and determination to excel in all of my classes gives me an energy I haven’t felt in a quite awhile. Though I’m just beginning my fourth week of the term I am currently carrying a 4.0 GPA and have already begun exceeding my own expectations for myself.

My class instructors are engaging, funny and obviously dedicated to helping their students reach their goals. I find myself looking forward to Monday mornings so I can head back to class. The content of my classes, even the dreaded Math class, is interesting and often times fascinating. Which makes it easy to concentrate on the information being presented to me as well as enabling me to retain said information. And for the first time in my entire life I ENJOY homework. ENJOY it!! I don’t think I have ever used the word “enjoy” and “homework” in the same sentence.

This coming weekend, in addition to celebrating Mother’s Day with my children, I will be turning the page on a rather large chapter of my life and saying good-bye to it for good. While my logical brain knows this is the best course of action for everyone involved, my heart still feels a keen sense of loss. Despite my confidence that this is the way it should be I can’t help but get a little nostalgic. I’ve had to re-evaluate myself and rethink what it is that I want out of the rest of my life. I’ve learned that this will continue to be an ongoing process. I have also learned that what we want isn’t always what is best for us. God answers our prayers but not always in the way we’d hope he would. We have to take what life hands us and make it work the best that we can. Whining, complaining and cursing the hand we’ve been dealt solves nothing. It only serves to annoy the people around us and prevents us from moving forward.

I’ve learned that you have to cherish what you have.. Always. Because you never know when it will be gone. Sometimes second chances don’t pan out and we find ourselves faced with inevitable change that, though we may not think we’re ready for, we have to face head on or we’ll sink in despair. No one and no one thing is worth the loss of ourselves.

I suspect the next few years will be filled with tough roads to travel and setbacks to contend with. But I also know that they will be filled with new discoveries about myself, the discovery of new friends and new chances to take. I don’t regret anything I’ve done or not done in the past. Each moment, each experience, has helped to shape me into the person I am today. A strong, confident, intelligent, beautiful person.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so happy to read that it seems you are starting to find the light at the end of the tunnel. Being "friends" with you over the past year and watching/reading you go through every emotion under the sun, i'm glad to see things are finally leveling out for you. I remember when you never thought you would stop crying let alone get to the point you are at now. I always have felt like you were/are an amazing writer as well. Anyway, just wanted to say how happy I am for you! And i hope things continue to be "up" from this day forward