Wednesday, January 26, 2011

When will these moments stop??

While on the hunt for the USB cable for my camera I came across an old anniversary card from him. I should have tossed it aside and kept looking for the damn cord. But instead, because apparently I'm a glutton for punishment, I opened it.

It's a simple card. One of those musical ones. On the front it says, "You're my dream come true..." and inside, "Always have been, always will.." He wrote "Here's to another 15! Love You, Skip". The song it plays is called "You" by two guys I've never heard of.

Now I'm a puddle. Red eyes, nose running, my face wet with tears. I thought I was past all of this. Obviously I'm not.

Yeah, here's to another fifteen. My ass. From what he's saying now and has said over the past year he wasn't "in love" with me back then either.

I'm torn between saving the card, because maybe someday I'll be able to look at it with fondness, and tossing it into the garbage. It IS garbage as is the sentiment so cavalierly written inside of it.

So how come every time I start towards the trash can do I start crying?

2 comments:

  1. Because you are human and have a heart. It is not bad to hold on to memories and maybe one of the kids would like to see it one day. Just because you keep it does not mean you have to look at it again.

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  2. Do not keep it! To the garbage it goes! Your kids do not want to evidence of your past relationships and neither do you. The further you get from it, the happier you will be. Maybe some wedding pictures, but hock the ring and take them on a nice trip. Let them turn the dress into a blood stained Halloween costume. Throw away all the cards, notes, etc. so that 10 years from now when you are in a relationship with someone else their kids don't find a poster that say "Dan and Heidi Forever" and hang it conspicuously in your workshop then wait for you to catch sight of it and chant "Heidi, Schmeidi! You've got Mom!" over and over again, not to mention the hatred and resentment your new partner will feel at you having kept something that personal! But on the plus side, your kids will always have your back:)

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